K-love was having their semi-yearly pledge drive, and I, as usual, thought about how cool it would be to make a pledge,. “But I'm about to graduate, and I'll have to pay off my loans, and figure out living expenses, and all of that. I just don't think I can commit to something like that right now.” But it occurred to me as I was driving to school that I probably could commit to giving a small amount per month.
I got to school, and so I didn't have a chance to call. But I couldn't get it out of my head. I felt like I really should, and I wanted to, but I wasn't sure. The next day, I still couldn't get rid of the feeling that I should. So I went ahead and did.
The next day, I was listening to them continuing their pledge drive, and it occurred to me that I could probably give a little bit more than I had said. As soon as I thought it, I had the same feeling again, and again, I couldn't get rid of it. So, with a little less hesitation than before, I called them back and told them I wanted to add a little more.
But I wondered, “was this really God's leading, or was it just that I wanted to? How do I know?” So he answered me.
A little later, I started to wonder if I couldn't maybe give even a little bit more. And I came to the conclusion that yes, I probably could. But this time, it was different. I knew that I could if I wanted to, but I didn't feel like I had to this time. It was an interesting fact that I could act on if I chose, not a compulsion.
All of that to say: that's what the difference was for me. When it was God, I couldn't get away from thinking about it, and from feeling like it was something that I had to do. When it wasn't, it was still something that I could do, but I didn't have to. It's probably different for everyone, but that's what the difference appears to be for me. I'm not good at recognizing it yet, I think. I'm sure there are plenty of things that God has been trying to push me towards that I'm not recognizing. But hopefully, recognizing that that was God will help me to recognize other times that it's God too.